First up, apologies to my regular readers. I took a week off from work to do some woodturning for a local craft fair called Jollification. To see what kind of work I do, go here. The following week my cable and internet access were done in by a brown-out followed by a power-surge hence no posts.
Thanks for sticking with me.
I’ve finally gotten someone to write a guest post. For now she’ll go by the nom de plume Ms. Understanding. ”What do women want?” is a question for the ages. After racking my brain for years, trying to answer the question, I hit upon a novel solution. Ask women.
Ms. Understanding’s thinking doesn’t apply to every woman every where but it does provide a good starting point for the confused
single male, which at last count was all of us. Next week I’ll do a post on how to turn her thoughts into practical actions.
Take it away, Ms. Understanding
A few years ago, I was listening to a show about marriage and relationships where they cited research
data that stated a man’s top five needs were sex, recreational companionship, an attractive partner,
domestic support and admiration, in that order. Since then, I’ve read the same information from other
sources. My initial thought response was, “Seriously! Serial sex and adoration from the pretty girl who
can hang like the boys, cook your food, wash & iron your clothes, clean the house, and stroke your
ego. The female equivalent fantasy would be the “handsome, iron-bodied,
cool guy who worships the ground his lady walks on in her Manolo Blahnik’s that he bought with his American Express Black Card.
And how many men can be that guy?
In the interest of assisting men find that special someone, I’ve penned a few thoughts that should strip away many of the fallacies that have stopped you from having a healthy, loving relationship. Consider it a . . . . .
1. You need sex
I am not a vagina. I am a whole and complete individual – brain, heart, body and
soul. If you want to have your needs met, then learn to make love with all of me. Show some
interest in what’s important to me – my dreams, goals and ideas. Learn what moves me, before
you try to put moves on me. If all you want is a pussy cat to play with, then save your time and
money for the entrepreneur on the corner.
2. You need recreational companionship.
I am not a man and I am not one of your boys. I don’t
want to watch Sports Center or play video games ALL weekend. I also desire your attention
and affection in ways that speak to me as an individual and a woman. I don’t expect you to
read my mind, so this means that when I speak you will actually need to listen to help us avoid
misunderstandings (no pun intended). And if you are incapable of or uninterested in mature adult communication
about what’s important to both of us, don’t worry, our conversation will be brief.
3. You need an attractive partner
Looking good, makes me feel good and if you feel good about
it too, more joy. Just know that I will change and so will you. It’s that whole dynamic universe
thing. Hopefully, we’ll both change with grace and dignity, embracing each new circumstance
with wisdom and gratitude.
4. You need domestic support
Cool! Just remember that I am not your mother and I am not your
maid. If you would prefer to live with your mother, I understand. I love my mother also. She
taught me good hygiene and domestic skills and I hope your mother did the same for you.
5. You need to be admired/needed
My parents taught me that love and respect are earned, not
bought. I am quite capable of taking care of myself and mature enough to accept your help if you offer it. However, if you have fears, insecurities and control issues that draw you to the needy, ‘damsel-in-distress’ types to make you feel like a man, then I am definitely not your flavor.
If you are in my life it’s because . . .
6. I want you.
You add value to who I am and who I aspire to be. This means that I would rather be with you, than without you. But if at some point we find that (in spite of our best efforts) we are not better together, then it must mean that we are better apart.
7. I have emotions and I am not afraid to experience them.
No this does not mean that I’m a weepy, Lifetime-loving chick. Over the years, I’ve honed my skills in accepting and expressing my feelings while maintaining reason, logic and my self-respect. If you decide that a melodramatic, emotionally high maintenance woman is what you need, then you get what you get.
8. What I expect
I prefer my men free of mind, body and spirit (yours or mine) altering addictions/habits. For example, alcohol, drugs, gambling, lying, cheating with other women/men, profanity, violence, joblessness, financial irresponsibility, baby mama drama, indecisiveness, narcissism, are all verboten.
9. I love with honesty, respect, care and passion.
I am careful not to cast my pearls before swine. If you like to roll around in the mud, that’s cool. You just need to find yourself an equally enthusiastic sow to play with.
My contentment in life is not tied to my relationship nor marital status. If relationships and marriage was the key to happiness, then all my divorced friends should still be married, all my ‘attached’ and married friends should be ecstatic, and all my ‘single and free’ friends should be on anti-depressants. I appreciate the potential benefits and responsibilities of dating, relationships and marriage. But, if all you have to offer is a penis, I am not intrigued. I know where to find fields of them. However, if you also have a heart, head and soul with some knowledge of how to use them; then you stand a good chance of dating me or women like me.
To see the Midlife Man’s response, go here.
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