For instance, what attracts them and why?

For instance, when I’m unshaven like this guy

Brad Pitt with beard

But dressed like this man

Man in suit

Women with these type of jobs,

barrista

waitresses

Female Bartender

seem, to become very attracted to me.  In some cases asking for my contact information within a few minutes.

 But if  I’m clean shaven like this guy,

George Clooney

and dressed like this man

construction worker

nothing doing.

 Even stranger, suit but no beard also gets no reaction.

As for the group of women below, I’m even more unaware of their emotions.  How I’m dressed seems to do little to change their behaviour.  Of course, I could be wrong.

Business woman

Business woman

Like so many men, I think I’m emotionally blind and simply don’t notice anything unless I’m clubbed over the head!!!

So dear readers, what are your thoughts?  Can anyone explain why a suit and beard gets some women hot and bothered?  Are white collar women giving off similar signals but they’re too subtle for me to notice?

Put your thoughts in the comments section and help a midlife man understand, PLEASE!!!!!.

2013 fireworks

trying to fulfill them.  Here’s why its happening along with some resources to get you back on track:

1.  You didn’t write them down or you wrote them down but didn’t keep them someplace that they could be seen.

Out of sight is out of mind.

2.   You planned to rely on Motivation and Willpower – Big Mistake!

Both motivation and willpower should be thought of as muscles.  Muscles get stronger the more you use them BUT they can also be strained from overuse.  If it’s a constant mental struggle to achieve your goals, you will get tired and give up.

3.  Your goals were not  S.M.A.R.T  enough

Specific or Significant
Measurable or Manageable
Attainable or Ajustable
Realistic or Relevant
Time-specific or Trackable

4. You didn’t separate one time goals from goals that required a new habit, so they’re mixing together and driving you crazy.

Example: Automate finances   (One time)
Lose 20 pounds through exercise   (requires new habit)

5. You tried to do too much too soon.

One is the magic number.  One major goal and one teeny tiny new habit is all you need.

6. You got busy/distracted/bored.

Since the goals were not S.M.A.R.T you never had any real plan or it was too complex, making it easy to get busy/distracted/bored.

7. You were drunk when you made them.

Pretty much self explanatory

Watch this Youtube video on how to be properly self-motivated.

<a href=”http://www.makealivingwriting.com/?p=2516″><img src=”http://www.makealivingwriting.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/MALW_linkparty1.jpg”/></a>

Illustrated Love

In the far distant past  he was a skinny, broke, boy.  But at least he was a CREATIVE skinny broke boy.  I’ve written in the past about

the importance of Creativity when dating.  So, if you are young, broke and in love or are middle-aged and clueless, read on.

The following ideas are in three parts.

Materials List (what you need) since building romance should be easier than building a doghouse, which is where you’ll be if don’t do something for Valentine’s.

What To Do: Self-explanatory

Points: Because, well, men put more effort into anything if they think it’s some type of competition.

1. Cuddle Coupon

Materials: Listening Skills, A colour printer, computer

What To Do: “What do women want?” asked Sigmund Freud.  A better question to ask is what does YOUR woman want?  Does she want to be listened to with undivided attention? Massaged? Dominated, a La 50 Shades of Grey?  Make up a coupon (or you can use this one, that needs improvement) which entitles the bearer to her favourite things.

+20 points:  Present it to her in an official looking envelope.

+200 points: Have her best friend deliver it.

-500 points: You put the wrong name on the coupon.

2. Clean House and Quiet Night

Materials :  Pledge, Scrubbing Bubbles, Fantastik, etc, Youtube playlist.

What To Do:  Clean the house!

If you are uncertain about how to clean your joint, Google it or ask Mom.  Men are always shocked to find out that women won’t get into or out of sexy lingerie because the kitchen is dirty.  Accept it as fact and move on.  Clean the house and if you have kids, banish them to their rooms with threats of death, dismemberment or worse (taking away their cell phones), make a Youtube playlist of songs you both like .  If you like R&B, you can use mine.

Have food ready (even if its pizza), the kids invisible and the playlist on.

+ 20 points: Stream the videos through your big screen T.V and stereo.

+100 points: Take the day off and get it all done. Act like it’s not a big deal.

-1000 points: You skip cleaning the tub and toilet.

3. I Have a Big Heart For You

Materials: Stick, wide open space covered in sand or snow, can of non-toxic spray paint preferably in red or hot pink.

What To Do: Use the stick to mark out a heart or inter-locking hearts in the sand or snow.  Spray the inside of the heart.  Remember, full

Interlocking hearts in snow

coverage of the area marked out is more important that saturation of colour.  Write your name  “+”  hers and 4 Ever (if you mean it). Do your French artiste impression (if you are not already a French artiste) as you work.  Smile while she rolls her eyes and giggles.

+15 points:  If you complete it in under 20 minutes

+50 points:  If you take her for a romantic stroll and ‘accidentally’ come across your previously made artwork.

+200 points: If you make it out of rocks.

-500 points: You spell her name wrong.

4. Posterize It

Materials: Computer, Color Printer, clear Scotch tape.

What To Do:  ”I Love _____________________________” in the largest font size available on your computer.  Even better if one letter in each word takes up a page.  Use the tape to stick this home made poster up directly opposite the front door so she can’t miss it when she walks in. Bonus if you do the same in the kitchen and bedroom.

+30 points: Hug her from behind while she takes it in.

+ 300 points: She Instagrams it.

-3000 points: She asks what it is you love about her and you look blank.

5. I Don’t Do Valentine’s, . . . . .  (Parts 1 & 2)

Part 1

Materials: Big Cojones

What To Do: Say, “I don’t DO Valentine’s.”  This works best if it’s your first Valentine’s Day together and you give her warning in advance.  Everyone knows Valentine’s Day has become overblown to the point of superficiality.  Refusing to participate in  the madness shows your rugged manliness.  If  you have an emotionally high-maintenance woman, expect retaliation.

Part 2

Materials:  flowers

Send a bouquet of pink roses to her job.  The card should read, “Just because. . . . . .”  .

Do this at least 3 weeks AFTER Valentine’s Day, any earlier and it looks like you had second thoughts and caved or are just a damn cheapskate.  However, do it within 3 months.  Being a man and all, you’re sure to screw-up to a level that requires flowers any way and you don’t want the two sentiments to get mixed.

+200 points: Her best friend at work complains how un-romantic her boyfriend/husband is.

+2000 points: Every woman in her department turns catty and green with envy AND ISN’T THAT WHAT VALENTINE’S  IS REALLY ALL ABOUT?

So, there you have it.  If you are a male, get started mixing and matching points one through five.

If you are a female, send this post to a male who needs it.

Tell me your thoughts on the best low-cost Valentine’s Day gift you ever received.

Happiness by thejbird

emotional set point for happiness and more more money does not significantly raise it.

Lets face it, if Bill Gates was 50 billion times happier than the average American, his head would explode!

The real problem is that few people maximize their ability be happy.  In other words, most of us are emotional underachievers.  If  more money and things, won’t make you happy what will?

Should you be on the way to being a grumpy old man, here are three habits that you can practice daily, that will improve both your health and your level of happiness:

1. Express Gratitude

Giving thanks for all that you have instead of complaining about what you don’t have.  Gratitude has been found to be one of the most important factors in long-term happiness.  

If you’ve ever wondered why Warren Buffet is always smiling, it’s not  the amount of money he has (though it doesn’t hurt) it’s because in interview after interview he states how thankful he is  to have been born in the United States during this period in history.

Can’t think of anything to be grateful about?  Go to Global Rich List and follow the instructions.

2. Practice Positivity

 Optimists enjoy living, and so they tend to live longer.  In one study pessimists who continually complained about their lives, shortened it by several years.  Just as important as how long you live, is HOW you live.  Positive people have more friends (Who wants to hang out with a grouch?) and are healthier and more socially active.

3.  Exercise

The term ‘Runner’s High‘ is well-known and well documented.  Endorphins released by the brain during vigorous activity causes a sense of well-being.  Runners are not the only people who can experience this ‘high’.  Science is beginning to show that any  regular physical activity such as walking, biking, dancing, swimming, gardening or strength training (reaching for remote does not count) can improve your mood.  Make sure to pick an activity that you ENJOY and get started.

The effects of these habits are life-changing over the long-term but you can reap the rewards of a better mood as soon as you get started.

Contrary to popular belief the midlife man does not have to become a grumpy old man if he can grow these habits for happiness.

What are your thoughts?  How do you keep yourself happy?

Here is what you really need to know.

            The Old Ball Game by riekhavoc

You can’t get out of your league

without improving your game.

Ms. Understanding’s post  ” 10 Things She Wants You To Know ”  pretty much shows that the well-educated, well-spoken woman expects more from a man.  Herewith is a list of 10  Self -improvement ideas, (in order of importance) that will move you to the next level in dating and life.

10. Don’t put women on pedestals

Points 2 & 3 of this post on The Man-Up blog are of great importance to the whole dating scene.

9.   Money is not important

If you are trying to date someone who is better off financially, don’t expect her to be impressed by what’s in your wallet. If she’s extremely attractive there is no shortage of men trying to buy her affection.

8.   Originality

Ideas, actions, beliefs that are new, amusing and different are attractive to both males and females.  Artists always attract groupies because of the way they (the artist) see and shape the world.  You need not be Andy Warhol but a dash of originality works wonders.

7.   Self-Confidence

The opposite of confident is needy.  Needy people are to be avoided because they suck the life right out of you.  Don’t be needy.  Want to know how to improve your confidence?  Go here and here.

6.   Relationships

Have as many real relationships (not Facebook friends) as possible.  Men who have strong social networks and supportive friends are more attractive to women than men who don’t.  The better your social circle the better the women you can date.

5.   Health

Get some and keep it.  The amount of programs that promise to get you in the best shape of your life are too numerous to mention.  Find one that you like and use it.  This is my routine.   Realistically, you can’t expect to chase down the choicest, most tender gazelle if you are a fat, sick lion.

4.   Appearance

If you are a twenty-old, try to dress like a well-dressed 20-year-old.  If you are a 40+ and dress like 20-year-old, GET A LIFE.  Moving up in the game means dressing like the company you intend to keep.  Real Men Real Style teaches mature men how to dress appropriately.  See how HERE.

3.   Industry

Definition:  Energetic devotion to a task or an endeavor; diligence. (From the freedictionary.com) Also known in today’s parlance as ‘hustle’.  There is something about a man stating that he runs his own business or has a profitable hobby that puts that spark of interest in a woman’s eye.

2.   Self-Direction

Where is your life going?  Why is it going that way?  What are you doing to improve yourself? Drift is definitely un-sexy.  Many people are simply being carried along in life’s currents, the man who can show self-direction will standout and have adherents wishing to get his focus and energy.

1.     Faith

Believe in something greater than yourself and behave accordingly.  Ms. Understanding puts it like this, “The man who does not believe in God, becomes a god unto himself”  Believing that you are the most important human on the planet generally ends badly.

Conclusion:

Despite the attempts of the mind-benders of Madison Avenue to teach you that cars, clothes, watches, etc really matter, they don’t.  I think, developing the traits, of charm, self-confidence, poise, humour are what makes a man more attractive to women.  There are no tips and techniques that can replace the timeless fundamentals of self-development.

Considering that the alternative is to be a out-of-shape, boring, needy, suck-up, isn’t NOW the perfect time to get started on being a better man?

The 15 Minute Female Orgasm

 Spoiler alert:  This post does not cover HOW to achieve a 15 minute female orgasm.  If you are looking for that  go here.  For an introduction  to the teachers of the technique, watch this video on Youtube.

You’d think that in the hyper-sexualized world we live in; where parents

It’s a secret! by alee _ 04

send children to pole dancing lessons;  where porn star Sasha Grey is a feature story in Rollingstone Magazine; where 50 Shades of Grey  parties are planned to perfection by P.T.A moms; that the 15 minute female orgasm would be as openly discussed as birth control.  You’d be wrong.

If you’ve never heard of the technique, you are not alone.  The technique gained some   attention when it was covered in Tim Ferris’ book, “The 4-Hour Body”.   The book is a New York Times BestSeller,  and certain sections have cult-like followers who create websites entirely dedicated to just one topic.

The 15 minute orgasm should be widely touted, have its own acolytes and high priestesses, web pages, best practices, and a two-hour special on HBO. But, it doesn’t.

The Sisterhood of The Travelling Pants, 9/11 conspiracists, climate change deniers and Obama haters have all of the above.

So Why Not This Sex Technique?

This is such a good question, that I decided to ask the females around me, what they thought about it.  Understanding that an orgasm that lasted for 15 minutes sounds more painful than pleasurable, I  explained that it was not the clutching, gasping  train wreck of the standard orgasm (although some of that does happen) that went on for 15 minutes. Rather, it was like  a slow trip through the countryside that ends at a favourite destination.  Curiousity went up but not as much as I’d expected.  Their reasons for not being interested fell into three categories and left me more dismayed than shocked.

1. Time

The reason we might be hyper-sexualized is become we don’t have the time to be anything else.  ”Get in, get off, get out” seems to be the order of the day.   Everyone has places to go and things to do.  None of those things includes bringing imagination, adventure, care and concern to the bedroom.

A good, quick fuck might now be the standard, and the slow sensual wind-up is now taboo.  I know that most people in my age-group are battling with children,  aging parents, illnesses of their own, but if you don’t take time to be with each other, how will you have time to save your relationship?

2. Man Problems

Every woman has a man problem.  If she doesn’t have a man, that’s a problem but if she has a man, HE’S a problem.  Achieving the 15 minute orgasm requires technique and patience.  The man who is trying to sex 3 – 5 women in one day, is not going to consider learning anything that requires that much effort.  Mix in a dose of misogyny from the player mindset and the sensitivity of a Cro-Magnon and the  woman knows better than to ask for anything so intimate.

Men, after all, will be men.

3.   Trust Issues

The woman lays on her back, naked from the waist down while the man sits at her side with both hands on her vajayjay, with his clothes on. Wait! Hold up! What? I can hear the cries now from readers, just as the women I spoke to had similar reactions.

It would appear from their comments that while the image of two naked people going at it seems comfortable, the idea of a man investing that much in their pleasure without trying to get himself off is too great a stretch of the imagination.  Better for a woman to stick to the regular sex routine and end up frustrated than to ask for him to hold his horses for a whole 15 minutes and be thought insane.

To summarize this point, some women don’t trust their man to give a damn about how they (the woman) feels.

4. Body Image Issues

Men. who’ve read this far, would you like to freak a woman out?  The next time you’re out with that special someone, and thinks are warming up nicely, lean in like you are going for a kiss, then palm her belly and squeeze gently.  Even if she’s a Victoria Secret’s model she’ll self-consciously withdraw and think that she needs to diet.

Women, if you want to freak a man out, lean in like you are going to kiss, then put his hand on your belly and ask for his honest opinion.  Watch him stutter.

Thanks to Viagra for men and hormone replacement therapy for women, we can all get our freak on like 20 year olds no matter our age.  Thanks to the cult of Youth and Beauty, we all believe that we should look like twenty-year olds no matter our age.  Talk about your, sad and unrealistic expectations.  Women, more than men internalize these expectations, and the result is fear of being naked in front of her man.

My Take

This blog is about becoming better during the middle passage of your life,  in every way possible.  If there was ever a time for getting better at expressing your sexuality, this is it. So,

Men: I’m thinking about adding this bon mot to my Forty by 40 list:  ”There are few things in this life more pitiful than a man who can’t make love, refuses to eat p*ssy and won’t take instruction.”  It still needs work and I intend to make it a little nicer,  cruder, more concise, but you get the picture.

Now that the sexual urgency of youth is dissapating, intimacy can flower to its fullest.  Adding a sexual skill that shows your woman, how much you care for and accept her can only improve the relationship.

As this post shows, intimacy or the lack thereof is a source of concern for many women.

Women: While sexual relationships can be for anyone over the age of consent, sensual, caring relationships are for adults. By the time grey hair shows up, you need to realize several thinks.

• Time – quickies are fine but if your man  thinks they are the norm,  it’s time for him to hit the road.
• Trust – if he doesn’t care about your short-term pleasure, how can he care about your long-term happiness?
• Body Image – I’ll tell you a secret.  By  the time a man is comfortable enough to ask you for a date, he has already imagined what you look like naked. If you’ve been together awhile and he has some complaints remind him that he’s no George Clooney either.

& Self-Improvement

One of the hardest things we can ever do is to accept ourselves as we are, faults and all.  After that is done we can move onto real personal development. The greatest resistance to the 15 minute female orgasm comes (no pun intended) not from the difficulty of the techniques, but from the mental barriers we erect to our own sexual health.

What do you think.  Do you have some barriers getting in the way of your sexual fulfillment, if so where do they come from, society, parents, friends? Let me hear from you in the comments section.

Thanks for sticking with me.

Great Announcement.

I’ve finally gotten someone to write a guest post.  For now she’ll go by the nom de plume Ms. Understanding.  ”What do women want?” is a question for the ages.  After racking my brain for years, trying to answer the question, I hit upon a novel solution. Ask women.  

Ms. Understanding’s thinking doesn’t apply to every woman every where but it does provide a good starting point for the confused single male, which at last count was all of us. Next week I’ll do a post on how to turn her thoughts into practical actions.

Take it away, Ms. Understanding

A few years ago, I was listening to a show about marriage and relationships where they cited research

Finding a soul mate by Auzigog

data that stated a man’s top five needs were sex, recreational companionship, an attractive partner,
domestic support and admiration, in that order. Since then, I’ve read the same information from other
sources. My initial thought response was, “Seriously! Serial sex and adoration from the pretty girl who
can hang like the boys, cook your food, wash & iron your clothes, clean the house, and stroke your
ego. The female equivalent fantasy would be the “handsome, iron-bodied,
cool guy who  worships the ground his lady walks on in her Manolo Blahnik’s that he bought with his American Express Black Card.

And how many men can be that guy?

In the interest of assisting  men find that special someone, I’ve penned a few thoughts that should strip away many of the fallacies that have stopped you from having a healthy, loving relationship.  Consider it a . . . . .

Reality Check

1. You need sex

I am not a vagina. I am a whole and complete individual – brain, heart, body and
soul. If you want to have your needs met, then learn to make love with all of me. Show some
interest in what’s important to me – my dreams, goals and ideas. Learn what moves me, before
you try to put moves on me. If all you want is a pussy cat to play with, then save your time and
money for the entrepreneur on the corner.

2. You need recreational companionship.

I am not a man and I am not one of your boys. I don’t
want to watch Sports Center or play video games ALL weekend. I also desire your attention
and affection in ways that speak to me as an individual and a woman. I don’t expect you to
read my mind, so this means that when I speak you will actually need to listen to help us avoid
misunderstandings (no pun intended). And if you are incapable of or uninterested in mature adult communication
about what’s important to both of us, don’t worry, our conversation will be brief.

3. You need an attractive partner

Looking good, makes me feel good and if you feel good about
it too, more joy. Just know that I will change and so will you. It’s that whole dynamic universe
thing. Hopefully, we’ll both change with grace and dignity, embracing each new circumstance
with wisdom and gratitude.

4. You need domestic support

Cool! Just remember that I am not your mother and I am not your
maid. If you would prefer to live with your mother, I understand. I love my mother also. She
taught me good hygiene and domestic skills and I hope your mother did the same for you.

5. You need to be admired/needed

My parents taught me that love and respect are earned, not
bought. I am quite capable of taking care of myself and mature enough to accept your help if you offer it. However, if you have fears, insecurities and control issues that draw you to the needy, ‘damsel-in-distress’ types to make you feel like a man, then I am definitely not your flavor.

If you are in my life it’s because . . .

6. I want you.

You add value to who I am and who I aspire to be. This means that I would rather be with you, than without you. But if at some point we find that (in spite of our best efforts) we are not better together, then it must mean that we are better apart.

7. I have emotions and I am not afraid to experience them.

No this does not mean that I’m a weepy,  Lifetime-loving chick. Over the years, I’ve honed my skills in accepting and expressing my feelings while maintaining reason, logic and my self-respect. If you decide that  a melodramatic, emotionally high maintenance woman is what you need, then you get what you get.

8. What I expect

I prefer my men free of mind, body and spirit (yours or mine) altering addictions/habits. For example, alcohol, drugs, gambling, lying, cheating with other women/men, profanity, violence, joblessness, financial irresponsibility, baby mama drama, indecisiveness, narcissism,  are all verboten.

9. I love with honesty, respect, care and passion.

I am careful not to cast my pearls before swine. If you like to roll around in the mud, that’s cool. You just need to find yourself an equally enthusiastic sow to play with.

10. I like myself and I enjoy my single life – even the PBS and ice cream nights.

My contentment in life is not tied to my relationship nor marital status. If relationships and marriage was the key to happiness, then all my divorced friends should still be married, all my ‘attached’ and married friends should be ecstatic, and all my ‘single and free’ friends should be on anti-depressants. I appreciate the potential benefits and responsibilities of dating, relationships and marriage. But, if all you have to offer is a penis,  I am not intrigued. I know where to find fields of them.  However, if you also have a heart, head and soul with some knowledge of how to use them; then you stand a good chance of dating me or women like me.

©Ms. Understanding

To see the Midlife Man’s response, go here.

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