March 24, 2013 by 12 Comments

What Attracts Women and Why? A Picture Essay

     I don’t understand women.  I know I’m not the only man to ever have this realization, what bugs me is that the older I get, the less I think I know and the more I realize how little I actually know about the opposite sex.

 For instance, what attracts them and why?

For instance, when I’m unshaven like this guy

 

 

But dressed like this man

 

Women with these type of jobs,

 

 

seem, to become very attracted to me.  In some cases asking for my contact information within a few minutes.

 

 

 But if  I’m clean shaven like this guy,

 

 

 

and dressed like this man

 

nothing doing.

 

 Even stranger, suit but no beard also gets no reaction.

 

As for the group of women below, I’m even more unaware of their emotions.  How I’m dressed seems to do little to change their behaviour.  Of course, I could be wrong.

 

 

 

 

 

Like so many men, I think I’m emotionally blind and simply don’t notice anything unless I’m clubbed over the head!!!

 

So dear readers, what are your thoughts?  Can anyone explain why a suit and beard gets some women hot and bothered?  Are white collar women giving off similar signals but they’re too subtle for me to notice?

Put your thoughts in the comments section and help a midlife man understand, PLEASE!!!!!.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Random Scribblings, Women
February 10, 2013 by 4 Comments

5 Ways To Impress A Woman on Valentine’s Day. . . . . . . Even if You’re Broke and Clueless

Contrary to popular belief the Midlife Man wasn’t always the tall, dark Denzel Washington look-alike that he is now.

In the far distant past  he was a skinny, broke, boy.  But at least he was a CREATIVE skinny broke boy.  I’ve written in the past about

the importance of Creativity when dating.  So, if you are young, broke and in love or are middle-aged and clueless, read on.

The following ideas are in three parts.

Materials List (what you need) since building romance should be easier than building a doghouse, which is where you’ll be if don’t do something for Valentine’s.

What To Do: Self-explanatory

Points: Because, well, men put more effort into anything if they think it’s some type of competition.

 

1. Cuddle Coupon

Materials: Listening Skills, A colour printer, computer

What To Do: “What do women want?” asked Sigmund Freud.  A better question to ask is what does YOUR woman want?  Does she want to be listened to with undivided attention? Massaged? Dominated, a La 50 Shades of Grey?  Make up a coupon (or you can use this one, that needs improvement) which entitles the bearer to her favourite things.

+20 points:  Present it to her in an official looking envelope.

+200 points: Have her best friend deliver it.

-500 points: You put the wrong name on the coupon.

 

2. Clean House and Quiet Night

Materials :  Pledge, Scrubbing Bubbles, Fantastik, etc, Youtube playlist.

What To Do:  Clean the house!

If you are uncertain about how to clean your joint, Google it or ask Mom.  Men are always shocked to find out that women won’t get into or out of sexy lingerie because the kitchen is dirty.  Accept it as fact and move on.  Clean the house and if you have kids, banish them to their rooms with threats of death, dismemberment or worse (taking away their cell phones), make a Youtube playlist of songs you both like .  If you like R&B, you can use mine.

Have food ready (even if its pizza), the kids invisible and the playlist on.

+ 20 points: Stream the videos through your big screen T.V and stereo.

+100 points: Take the day off and get it all done. Act like it’s not a big deal.

-1000 points: You skip cleaning the tub and toilet.

 

3. I Have a Big Heart For You

Materials: Stick, wide open space covered in sand or snow, can of non-toxic spray paint preferably in red or hot pink.

What To Do: Use the stick to mark out a heart or inter-locking hearts in the sand or snow.  Spray the inside of the heart.  Remember, full

coverage of the area marked out is more important that saturation of colour.  Write your name  “+”  hers and 4 Ever (if you mean it). Do your French artiste impression (if you are not already a French artiste) as you work.  Smile while she rolls her eyes and giggles.

+15 points:  If you complete it in under 20 minutes

+50 points:  If you take her for a romantic stroll and ‘accidentally’ come across your previously made artwork.

+200 points: If you make it out of rocks.

-500 points: You spell her name wrong.

 

4. Posterize It

Materials: Computer, Color Printer, clear Scotch tape.

What To Do:  ”I Love _____________________________” in the largest font size available on your computer.  Even better if one letter in each word takes up a page.  Use the tape to stick this home made poster up directly opposite the front door so she can’t miss it when she walks in. Bonus if you do the same in the kitchen and bedroom.

+30 points: Hug her from behind while she takes it in.

+ 300 points: She Instagrams it.

-3000 points: She asks what it is you love about her and you look blank.

 

5. I Don’t Do Valentine’s, . . . . .  (Parts 1 & 2)

Part 1

Materials: Big Cojones

What To Do: Say, “I don’t DO Valentine’s.”  This works best if it’s your first Valentine’s Day together and you give her warning in advance.  Everyone knows Valentine’s Day has become overblown to the point of superficiality.  Refusing to participate in  the madness shows your rugged manliness.  If  you have an emotionally high-maintenance woman, expect retaliation.

Part 2

Materials:  flowers

Send a bouquet of pink roses to her job.  The card should read, “Just because. . . . . .”  .

Do this at least 3 weeks AFTER Valentine’s Day, any earlier and it looks like you had second thoughts and caved or are just a damn cheapskate.  However, do it within 3 months.  Being a man and all, you’re sure to screw-up to a level that requires flowers any way and you don’t want the two sentiments to get mixed.

+200 points: Her best friend at work complains how un-romantic her boyfriend/husband is.

+2000 points: Every woman in her department turns catty and green with envy AND ISN’T THAT WHAT VALENTINE’S  IS REALLY ALL ABOUT?

So, there you have it.  If you are a male, get started mixing and matching points one through five.

If you are a female, send this post to a male who needs it.

Tell me your thoughts on the best low-cost Valentine’s Day gift you ever received.

 

 

Filed Under: Health, Money, Women
December 23, 2012 by 8 Comments

10 Tips To Dating Out Of Your League

There is no shortage of books, blog posts and magazine articles on dating out of your league, and most of the ‘information’  is crap.

Here is what you really need to know.

 

The Old Ball Game

            The Old Ball Game by riekhavoc

You can’t get out of your league

without improving your game.

 

Ms. Understanding’s post  ” 10 Things She Wants You To Know ”  pretty much shows that the well-educated, well-spoken woman expects more from a man.  Herewith is a list of 10  Self -improvement ideas, (in order of importance) that will move you to the next level in dating and life.

10. Don’t put women on pedestals

Points 2 & 3 of this post on The Man-Up blog are of great importance to the whole dating scene.

9.   Money is not important

If you are trying to date someone who is better off financially, don’t expect her to be impressed by what’s in your wallet. If she’s extremely attractive there is no shortage of men trying to buy her affection.

8.   Originality

Ideas, actions, beliefs that are new, amusing and different are attractive to both males and females.  Artists always attract groupies because of the way they (the artist) see and shape the world.  You need not be Andy Warhol but a dash of originality works wonders.

7.   Self-Confidence

The opposite of confident is needy.  Needy people are to be avoided because they suck the life right out of you.  Don’t be needy.  Want to know how to improve your confidence?  Go here and here.

6.   Relationships

Have as many real relationships (not Facebook friends) as possible.  Men who have strong social networks and supportive friends are more attractive to women than men who don’t.  The better your social circle the better the women you can date.

5.   Health

Get some and keep it.  The amount of programs that promise to get you in the best shape of your life are too numerous to mention.  Find one that you like and use it.  This is my routine.   Realistically, you can’t expect to chase down the choicest, most tender gazelle if you are a fat, sick lion.

4.   Appearance

If you are a twenty-old, try to dress like a well-dressed 20-year-old.  If you are a 40+ and dress like 20-year-old, GET A LIFE.  Moving up in the game means dressing like the company you intend to keep.  Real Men Real Style teaches mature men how to dress appropriately.  See how HERE.

3.   Industry

Definition:  Energetic devotion to a task or an endeavor; diligence. (From the freedictionary.com) Also known in today’s parlance as ‘hustle’.  There is something about a man stating that he runs his own business or has a profitable hobby that puts that spark of interest in a woman’s eye.

2.   Self-Direction

Where is your life going?  Why is it going that way?  What are you doing to improve yourself? Drift is definitely un-sexy.  Many people are simply being carried along in life’s currents, the man who can show self-direction will standout and have adherents wishing to get his focus and energy.

1.     Faith

Believe in something greater than yourself and behave accordingly.  Ms. Understanding puts it like this, “The man who does not believe in God, becomes a god unto himself”  Believing that you are the most important human on the planet generally ends badly.

Conclusion:

Despite the attempts of the mind-benders of Madison Avenue to teach you that cars, clothes, watches, etc really matter, they don’t.  I think, developing the traits, of charm, self-confidence, poise, humour are what makes a man more attractive to women.  There are no tips and techniques that can replace the timeless fundamentals of self-development.

Considering that the alternative is to be a out-of-shape, boring, needy, suck-up, isn’t NOW the perfect time to get started on being a better man?

 

Filed Under: Adventure and Travel, Faith, Health, Women
December 14, 2012 by 2 Comments

The 15 Minute Female Orgasm & The Path To Self-Improvement

I’m supposed to be writing a response to Ms. Understanding’s post, “10 Things She Wants You To Know”  but this is not it.  Instead, here are some things I’d like my female mid-lifers to think about as it relates to the titled topic.

 

 

 

The 15 Minute Female Orgasm

 Spoiler alert:  This post does not cover HOW to achieve a 15 minute female orgasm.  If you are looking for that  go here.  For an introduction  to the teachers of the technique, watch this video on Youtube.

 

 

You’d think that in the hyper-sexualized world we live in; where parents

It’s a secret! by alee _ 04

send children to pole dancing lessons;  where porn star Sasha Grey is a feature story in Rollingstone Magazine; where 50 Shades of Grey  parties are planned to perfection by P.T.A moms; that the 15 minute female orgasm would be as openly discussed as birth control.  You’d be wrong.

If you’ve never heard of the technique, you are not alone.  The technique gained some   attention when it was covered in Tim Ferris’ book, “The 4-Hour Body”.   The book is a New York Times BestSeller,  and certain sections have cult-like followers who create websites entirely dedicated to just one topic.

The 15 minute orgasm should be widely touted, have its own acolytes and high priestesses, web pages, best practices, and a two-hour special on HBO. But, it doesn’t.

The Sisterhood of The Travelling Pants, 9/11 conspiracists, climate change deniers and Obama haters have all of the above.

So Why Not This Sex Technique?

This is such a good question, that I decided to ask the females around me, what they thought about it.  Understanding that an orgasm that lasted for 15 minutes sounds more painful than pleasurable, I  explained that it was not the clutching, gasping  train wreck of the standard orgasm (although some of that does happen) that went on for 15 minutes. Rather, it was like  a slow trip through the countryside that ends at a favourite destination.  Curiousity went up but not as much as I’d expected.  Their reasons for not being interested fell into three categories and left me more dismayed than shocked.

 

1. Time

The reason we might be hyper-sexualized is become we don’t have the time to be anything else.  ”Get in, get off, get out” seems to be the order of the day.   Everyone has places to go and things to do.  None of those things includes bringing imagination, adventure, care and concern to the bedroom.

A good, quick fuck might now be the standard, and the slow sensual wind-up is now taboo.  I know that most people in my age-group are battling with children,  aging parents, illnesses of their own, but if you don’t take time to be with each other, how will you have time to save your relationship?

2. Man Problems

Every woman has a man problem.  If she doesn’t have a man, that’s a problem but if she has a man, HE’S a problem.  Achieving the 15 minute orgasm requires technique and patience.  The man who is trying to sex 3 – 5 women in one day, is not going to consider learning anything that requires that much effort.  Mix in a dose of misogyny from the player mindset and the sensitivity of a Cro-Magnon and the  woman knows better than to ask for anything so intimate.

Men, after all, will be men.

3.   Trust Issues

The woman lays on her back, naked from the waist down while the man sits at her side with both hands on her vajayjay, with his clothes on. Wait! Hold up! What? I can hear the cries now from readers, just as the women I spoke to had similar reactions.

It would appear from their comments that while the image of two naked people going at it seems comfortable, the idea of a man investing that much in their pleasure without trying to get himself off is too great a stretch of the imagination.  Better for a woman to stick to the regular sex routine and end up frustrated than to ask for him to hold his horses for a whole 15 minutes and be thought insane.

To summarize this point, some women don’t trust their man to give a damn about how they (the woman) feels.

4. Body Image Issues

Men. who’ve read this far, would you like to freak a woman out?  The next time you’re out with that special someone, and thinks are warming up nicely, lean in like you are going for a kiss, then palm her belly and squeeze gently.  Even if she’s a Victoria Secret’s model she’ll self-consciously withdraw and think that she needs to diet.

Women, if you want to freak a man out, lean in like you are going to kiss, then put his hand on your belly and ask for his honest opinion.  Watch him stutter.

Thanks to Viagra for men and hormone replacement therapy for women, we can all get our freak on like 20 year olds no matter our age.  Thanks to the cult of Youth and Beauty, we all believe that we should look like twenty-year olds no matter our age.  Talk about your, sad and unrealistic expectations.  Women, more than men internalize these expectations, and the result is fear of being naked in front of her man.

 

My Take

This blog is about becoming better during the middle passage of your life,  in every way possible.  If there was ever a time for getting better at expressing your sexuality, this is it. So,

Men: I’m thinking about adding this bon mot to my Forty by 40 list:  ”There are few things in this life more pitiful than a man who can’t make love, refuses to eat p*ssy and won’t take instruction.”  It still needs work and I intend to make it a little nicer,  cruder, more concise, but you get the picture.

Now that the sexual urgency of youth is dissapating, intimacy can flower to its fullest.  Adding a sexual skill that shows your woman, how much you care for and accept her can only improve the relationship.

As this post shows, intimacy or the lack thereof is a source of concern for many women.

 

Women: While sexual relationships can be for anyone over the age of consent, sensual, caring relationships are for adults. By the time grey hair shows up, you need to realize several thinks.

  • Time – quickies are fine but if your man  thinks they are the norm,  it’s time for him to hit the road.
  • Trust – if he doesn’t care about your short-term pleasure, how can he care about your long-term happiness?
  • Body Image – I’ll tell you a secret.  By  the time a man is comfortable enough to ask you for a date, he has already imagined what you look like naked. If you’ve been together awhile and he has some complaints remind him that he’s no George Clooney either.

& Self-Improvement

One of the hardest things we can ever do is to accept ourselves as we are, faults and all.  After that is done we can move onto real personal development. The greatest resistance to the 15 minute female orgasm comes (no pun intended) not from the difficulty of the techniques, but from the mental barriers we erect to our own sexual health.

 

What do you think.  Do you have some barriers getting in the way of your sexual fulfillment, if so where do they come from, society, parents, friends? Let me hear from you in the comments section.

 

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Health, Uncategorized, Women
November 25, 2012 by 8 Comments

10 Things She Wants You To Know

First up, apologies to my regular readers.  I took a week off from work to do some woodturning for a local craft fair called Jollification.  To see what kind of work I do, go here.  The following week my cable and internet access were done in by a brown-out followed by a power-surge hence no posts.  

Thanks for sticking with me.

Great Announcement.

I’ve finally gotten someone to write a guest post.  For now she’ll go by the nom de plume Ms. Understanding.  ”What do women want?” is a question for the ages.  After racking my brain for years, trying to answer the question, I hit upon a novel solution. Ask women.  

Ms. Understanding’s thinking doesn’t apply to every woman every where but it does provide a good starting point for the confused single male, which at last count was all of us. Next week I’ll do a post on how to turn her thoughts into practical actions.

 

Take it away, Ms. Understanding

 

A few years ago, I was listening to a show about marriage and relationships where they cited research

Finding a soul mate by Auzigog

data that stated a man’s top five needs were sex, recreational companionship, an attractive partner,
domestic support and admiration, in that order. Since then, I’ve read the same information from other
sources. My initial thought response was, “Seriously! Serial sex and adoration from the pretty girl who
can hang like the boys, cook your food, wash & iron your clothes, clean the house, and stroke your
ego. The female equivalent fantasy would be the “handsome, iron-bodied,
cool guy who  worships the ground his lady walks on in her Manolo Blahnik’s that he bought with his American Express Black Card.

And how many men can be that guy?

In the interest of assisting  men find that special someone, I’ve penned a few thoughts that should strip away many of the fallacies that have stopped you from having a healthy, loving relationship.  Consider it a . . . . .

Reality Check

1. You need sex

I am not a vagina. I am a whole and complete individual – brain, heart, body and
soul. If you want to have your needs met, then learn to make love with all of me. Show some
interest in what’s important to me – my dreams, goals and ideas. Learn what moves me, before
you try to put moves on me. If all you want is a pussy cat to play with, then save your time and
money for the entrepreneur on the corner.

2. You need recreational companionship.

I am not a man and I am not one of your boys. I don’t
want to watch Sports Center or play video games ALL weekend. I also desire your attention
and affection in ways that speak to me as an individual and a woman. I don’t expect you to
read my mind, so this means that when I speak you will actually need to listen to help us avoid
misunderstandings (no pun intended). And if you are incapable of or uninterested in mature adult communication
about what’s important to both of us, don’t worry, our conversation will be brief.

3. You need an attractive partner

Looking good, makes me feel good and if you feel good about
it too, more joy. Just know that I will change and so will you. It’s that whole dynamic universe
thing. Hopefully, we’ll both change with grace and dignity, embracing each new circumstance
with wisdom and gratitude.

4. You need domestic support

Cool! Just remember that I am not your mother and I am not your
maid. If you would prefer to live with your mother, I understand. I love my mother also. She
taught me good hygiene and domestic skills and I hope your mother did the same for you.

5. You need to be admired/needed

My parents taught me that love and respect are earned, not
bought. I am quite capable of taking care of myself and mature enough to accept your help if you offer it. However, if you have fears, insecurities and control issues that draw you to the needy, ‘damsel-in-distress’ types to make you feel like a man, then I am definitely not your flavor.

If you are in my life it’s because . . .

6. I want you.

You add value to who I am and who I aspire to be. This means that I would rather be with you, than without you. But if at some point we find that (in spite of our best efforts) we are not better together, then it must mean that we are better apart.

7. I have emotions and I am not afraid to experience them.

No this does not mean that I’m a weepy,  Lifetime-loving chick. Over the years, I’ve honed my skills in accepting and expressing my feelings while maintaining reason, logic and my self-respect. If you decide that  a melodramatic, emotionally high maintenance woman is what you need, then you get what you get.

8. What I expect

I prefer my men free of mind, body and spirit (yours or mine) altering addictions/habits. For example, alcohol, drugs, gambling, lying, cheating with other women/men, profanity, violence, joblessness, financial irresponsibility, baby mama drama, indecisiveness, narcissism,  are all verboten.

9. I love with honesty, respect, care and passion.

I am careful not to cast my pearls before swine. If you like to roll around in the mud, that’s cool. You just need to find yourself an equally enthusiastic sow to play with.

10. I like myself and I enjoy my single life – even the PBS and ice cream nights.

My contentment in life is not tied to my relationship nor marital status. If relationships and marriage was the key to happiness, then all my divorced friends should still be married, all my ‘attached’ and married friends should be ecstatic, and all my ‘single and free’ friends should be on anti-depressants. I appreciate the potential benefits and responsibilities of dating, relationships and marriage. But, if all you have to offer is a penis,  I am not intrigued. I know where to find fields of them.  However, if you also have a heart, head and soul with some knowledge of how to use them; then you stand a good chance of dating me or women like me.

©Ms. Understanding

 

To see the Midlife Man’s response, go here.

Be sure to subscribe so you can keep getting the very best advice on Women, Politics, Money and Health. Don’t forget to share this post on social media!

Filed Under: Women
October 7, 2012 by 5 Comments

Niche Marketing and Mass Appeal: What The G.O.P Can Learn From Kim Kardashian

Starting with a dimly-lit sex tape co-starring Ray-J, Kimberly Noel “Kim” Kardashian has grown into a global brand, with T.V shows, endorsement deals, a workout DVD series, and a clothing line all making her world famous, but can she teach Republicans anything?

photo courtesy of: bdhq

Let’s start with her dealings with men which have made her infamous.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In the past Ray-J, now Kanye West and in between, a line-up that includes basketball players, football players, soccer players, actors and would be somebodys.

The question most people want to know is how can she always get new men on the Kardashian Carousel.
Short answer: Niche Marketing

Consider:

1. She’s pretty –  Duh! The main difference between Kim K and many other caucasian women is that while  they try to shrink the size of their butts, Kim flaunts hers.  If you still don’t get it, here’s some further explanation.  There is an entire sub-genre of inter-racial porn dedicated to “phat-ass white girls”. Please don’t ask how I know. So from the waist up she’s pretty and from the waist down she’s really, really pretty to small demographic.

2. Look at her competition – For someone who can’t sing, can’t dance,  and can’t act Kim’s dating life is filled with guys who are celebrities in their own right and though they’d deny it, she’s the best thing to happen to them. Look at who these guys dated before and after Kim Kardashian (excluding Halle Berry’s ex) and you’ll see a line-up of groupies, strippers, and B-list would-be models.  As far as these guys are concerned if a woman is beautiful, poised, demure and working on a doctorate she needn’t bother to wait for their call.

As long as she stays in her niche, she’ll reign supreme.

Can she expand out of her niche? Answer: No time soon.

Why not?

She can step down to people like her brain-addled brother-in-law but that step down would be a step out of the limelight, or she can try to make it to the A-list, which is sketchy.
Brad Pitt, Denzel Washington, Mark Wahberg  are older guys who wouldn’t leave their wives for her (Having sex is another matter). She’d also be too high profile to make a good mistress.  The younger A-listers, Jeremy Renner, Ryan Gosling, Joseph Gordon-Levitt have their own groupies to play with and a number of women whose past dating lives are less public.

So, as long as she stays in her niche, she’ll have an endless supply of customers, victims, boyfriends.
Kim Kardashian getting an A-Lister would be like Snooki trying to get with Paul Ryan, which brings me to the present day Republican party.

Today’s G.O.P

Despite his beatification by them, Ronald Reagan would not recognize the G.O.P of today.  President Reagan once said, “The right hand doesn’t always know what the far right hand is doing.”  In his day the far right was kept far off. Today, moderates need not apply,  you’ve got to be a “severe conservative” according to Mitt Romney .
This severity has created  an unholy alliance of fiscal conservatives, (Grover Norquist)) who would  shrink government down to the size, where  in his own words, “. . . .we can drown it in the bathtub.” and social conservatives (Mr. Todd “legitimate rape Akin) who would make it more intrusive, for instance, sonograms on women seeking abortions.

Anyone seeking to take these ideas mainstream is in for a wild ride for two easy to understand reasons:

A) As the Occupy Wall St movement pointed out the excesses of the 1% are out of control.  Cuts to government programs that benefit the people most affected by the financial meltdown, while cutting taxes on the very wealthy has no mass appeal.

B) A new study has found that the single most common reason women say they use birth control is, the economy. They cannot afford another baby or even another pregnancy.
The majority of registered voters are women.
The majority of actual voters is women.

See the problem?

Many of the Republicans present positions make the party too niche for the majority of the electorate.
The Republican brand is shrinking and becoming harder to sell but the Kardashian brand is expanding.

 

What the G.O.P can learn from Kim K.

1.   Know your niche but expand your market.
Kim doesn’t limit herself to rappers as successful as Kanye.  Players of all stripe and sport have a chance.  Click the link on “Southern Strategy” further down to see who gets excluded by the G.O.P.

2.   She might not be liked but she’s not trying to be hated.
No she might not be the brightest but she’s smart enough to keep her mouth shut long enough to avoid making more enemies.

See: Scott Brown  and Todd Akin

3.   She’s not afraid to cut losers loose.
See: Todd Akin (again)

4.   Embrace multiculturalism – The G.O.P want the to get the Hispanic vote without having to ‘get’ hispanics as a people.  Their appeal is to white rich men which is a shrinking demographic made more so by the previously mentioned financial meltdown.
Kim K appeals to men across the racial and cultural spectrum and her products are aimed at women across that same spectrum.

 

If the G.O.P could take these points to heart, finally ditch the ‘Southern Strategy’ and comeback to a moderate centre, one day in  the future we could see the great Republican nebbish, Paul Ryan with JWOW in tow and the votes of her friends firmly in his back pocket.

 

What do you think?  Are there any other pop culture icons that can teach the political world something?

After ten years as a speech writer, I’ve decided to write a post on, “Lying Politicians”.  Make sure and subscribe so you don’t miss it.

 

Filed Under: Politics, Women
June 24, 2012 by 33 Comments

Forty by 40: The Big List of Things I Learnt By The Age of Forty.

By the age of 40 any reasonably intelligent person should know some stuff.  Not the stuff that  you were forced to learn in high school, or paid good money to learn in college but a realization about the way the world really works.  Its an epiphany  about your life, your career, your relationship, that once learnt changes your perception of everything else in the world.

By the age of 40 any reasonably intelligent person knows that other people also know some stuff.  This is the point at which we must really sit down with friends, family, colleagues and listen, truly listen.  When we reach that point we accept the truism of Eleanor Roosevelt, “Learn from the mistakes of others.  You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself.”

Here are forty things I knew to be irrevocably and undeniably true by the age of forty.  Some you will agree with, others you will outright reject, either way leave a comment and share some of your own.  Initials have been used to protect the philosophical.

Let the Epiphanies begin:

 

Family

1) Not everyone likes you, and  no matter what you do not everyone wishes to be your friend.
Eula Delancy

2) People who talk behind my back are talking to my ass.
Elise Delancy

3) Keep the home fire burning, or someone else will try to out it with gas.
Kevin Delancy

4) As the old people would say, “Full moon but empty arms”.
Elva Minnis

Harsh Realities

5) The only thing worse than a spanking is not learning from a spanking.
J.D

6) Everyone has a plan until they get hit. “Iron” Mike Tyson

7) The time is always right to do right.  Nelson Mandela

8) Every panties off is not a grind.  M.M

9) “Fuck it” is sometimes a perfectly justifiable philosophy.  J.D

10) A man has got to know his limitations.
Clint Eastwood  as“Dirty Harry” in Magnum Force

Work, The Public Service and Governance

11) When a country has a just leader, oxen pull carts filled with grain to feed the people.
When a country has an unjust leader, the oxen are slaughtered for food and horses pull chariots to war.

The Master of Demon Valley.


12) Weapons are the instruments of misfortune, they should only be used when unavoidable.  A ruler should not mobilize an army out of anger, military leaders should not provoke war out of wrath.  Anger can revert to joy.  Wrath can revert to delight. A nation destroyed cannot be restored to existence and the dead cannot be restored to life.
Sun Tzu “The Art of War”

13) It’s easier to run ya mouth than to run a country.
Sir Lynden Pindling

14) All problems in the world are alike, in the beginning they may be hard to understand yet easy to solve, but given time they become easy to understand but impossible to solve.
Niccolo Machiavelli, The Prince

15)First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”Mahatma Gahndi .

16) There is something horribly wrong with a world in which there are more lawyers than good chefs.  Peter Mayle, Acquired Tastes.
17) The public service is a place where you have to know when to bow and when to duck.
A.C

18) Remember, you don’t have to be 500 percent better to earn 500 percent more money.  Usually, the difference is very, very small between top notch producers and the multitudes of mediocre people.
David Schwartz Ph.d The Magic of Self-Direction

19) I sure hope we’re making the right mistake.  John Morley

20) The people who get promoted are those that work hardest . . . . on getting promoted.
J.D

21) Slunkers  f^*king get, Slunkers f^*king pay.
Bahamian workers saying.

22) The marketplace is a battlefield
The Master of Demon Valley

23) If ‘A’ equals success, then the formula is : ‘A=X+Y+Z, where X is work, Y is play  and Z is keeping your mouth shut.
Albert Einstein

Love and All that lies Therein

24) In every relationship, one person is in control, if you have to ask who it is; it ain’t you.
A.C

25) Love is a species of warfare,
Slack troopers go elsewhere.  Ovid 6th century B.C

26) Girls in PoomPoom shorts ain’ for free.  Dancehall song

27) The ways of a woman are past understanding. King Solomon

28) When a man loves A woman
Can’t keep his mind on nothing else
He’ll trade the world
For the good thing he’s found
Percy Sledge, “When A Man Loves A Woman”

29) I would rather have curses from you than kisses from any other woman.
Captain Troy “Far From The Madding Crowd” by Thomas Hardy

30) Love and do what thou wilt.  St. Augustine

31) Boy, if you think saying sorry when you wrong is hard, wait ‘till you have to apologize when you right just to keep the peace.
Sister Jennie Reckley


32) Thou shalt Love thy neighbour, as thyself.
Matthew Chp.22 vs.39

Life and Luck

33) I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill, but time and chance happens to them all.
Ecclesiates Chp.9 vs 11

34) Today they take from the field and put you on the throne.  Tomorrow they take you from the throne and put a saddle on your back.                                                                          Fountain of Persian Wisdom

35) But wilt thou know of vain man; faith without works is dead?
James Chp.2 vs. 20

36) It is compassion rather than the principle of justice which can guard us against being unjust to our fellow man.
Bruce Lee, “The Tao of Jeet Kun Do.”

37) An hour of real justice is worth 70 years of prayer.
Turkish proverb

38) When elephants fight, only the grass is trampled.
African proverb

39) Malice extends folly.  Proverb from the game of Go

40) Many people now describe themselves as ‘gurus’ that’s because the word ‘charlatan’ is too hard to spell.

Francis Wheen. “How Mumbo-Jumbo Conquered The World

 

 

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