January 13, 2013 by admin 10 Comments

3 Habits For Happiness

It is an old proverb that states, “Money Can’t Buy Happiness”. Scientific study verifies the truth of the proverb. We all have an

Happiness by thejbird

emotional set point for happiness and more more money does not significantly raise it.

Lets face it, if Bill Gates was 50 billion times happier than the average American, his head would explode!

The real problem is that few people maximize their ability be happy. In other words, most of us are emotional underachievers. If more money and things, won’t make you happy what will?

Should you be on the way to being a grumpy old man, here are three habits that you can practice daily, that will improve both your health and your level of happiness:

1. Express Gratitude

Giving thanks for all that you have instead of complaining about what you don’t have. Gratitude has been found to be one of the most important factors in long-term happiness.

If you’ve ever wondered why Warren Buffet is always smiling, it’s not the amount of money he has (though it doesn’t hurt) it’s because in interview after interview he states how thankful he is to have been born in the United States during this period in history.

Can’t think of anything to be grateful about? Go to Global Rich List and follow the instructions.

2. Practice Positivity

Optimists enjoy living, and so they tend to live longer. In one study pessimists who continually complained about their lives, shortened it by several years. Just as important as how long you live, is HOW you live. Positive people have more friends (Who wants to hang out with a grouch?) and are healthier and more socially active.

3. Exercise

The term ‘Runner’s High‘ is well-known and well documented. Endorphins released by the brain during vigorous activity causes a sense of well-being. Runners are not the only people who can experience this ‘high’. Science is beginning to show that any regular physical activity such as walking, biking, dancing, swimming, gardening or strength training (reaching for remote does not count) can improve your mood. Make sure to pick an activity that you ENJOY and get started.

The effects of these habits are life-changing over the long-term but you can reap the rewards of a better mood as soon as you get started.

Contrary to popular belief the midlife man does not have to become a grumpy old man if he can grow these habits for happiness.

What are your thoughts? How do you keep yourself happy?

Filed Under: Health, Money, Uncategorized

January 1, 2013 by admin Leave a Comment

Happy New Year To My Readers

Happy New Year To Each Of You:

I am fully aware that I could not have made it this far without the support of my friends, family and readers like you. Thank you so

Boom! by fabiogis50

much for your love in 2012.

I started this blog in April 2012 and did not publish the first post until May. “Dear Citibank or Lessons in Customer Service” was originally a sample for a freelance writing client, who rejected it. Since then it has been made into a feature article on a much larger midlife blog.

To date, over 6,000 people have visited Writings of A Mid Life Man, which is not bad considering that in 2009 I did not know what a blog was!

With a few exceptions, the posts deal with self-improvement and becoming a better man. While I’m still working on ‘finding my voice’ and improving my writing in 2013, regular readers can expect even more articles on improving health, relationships and financial status. There’ll be articles on: How I paid off my mortage early; how I make money on the internet; and, tips on living a good life.

It is my hope that in 2013, my readers will take the actions that lead to LIVING THE LIFE THEY DESIRE. Small, habitual action beats grand planning every time.

WALKS BEHIND PODIUM TO START LECTURE

Two Things: It is not that our life is so short, it is that we waste so much of it.

You can make a change or you can make an excuse

but you can’t be successful at both.

WALKS AWAY FROM PODIUM

Truth, Strength, Courage, Honour, Success and Blessings be yours in 2013.

Filed Under: Adventure and Travel, Health, Money, Random Scribblings, Uncategorized

December 14, 2012 by admin 2 Comments

The 15 Minute Female Orgasm & The Path To Self-Improvement

I’m supposed to be writing a response to Ms. Understanding’s post, “10 Things She Wants You To Know” but this is not it. Instead, here are some things I’d like my female mid-lifers to think about as it relates to the titled topic.

The 15 Minute Female Orgasm

Spoiler alert: This post does not cover HOW to achieve a 15 minute female orgasm. If you are looking for that go here. For an introduction to the teachers of the technique, watch this video on Youtube.

You’d think that in the hyper-sexualized world we live in; where parents

It’s a secret! by alee _ 04

send children to pole dancing lessons; where porn star Sasha Grey is a feature story in Rollingstone Magazine; where 50 Shades of Grey parties are planned to perfection by P.T.A moms; that the 15 minute female orgasm would be as openly discussed as birth control. You’d be wrong.

If you’ve never heard of the technique, you are not alone. The technique gained some attention when it was covered in Tim Ferris’ book, “The 4-Hour Body”. The book is a New York Times BestSeller, and certain sections have cult-like followers who create websites entirely dedicated to just one topic.

The 15 minute orgasm should be widely touted, have its own acolytes and high priestesses, web pages, best practices, and a two-hour special on HBO. But, it doesn’t.

The Sisterhood of The Travelling Pants, 9/11 conspiracists, climate change deniers and Obama haters have all of the above.

So Why Not This Sex Technique?

This is such a good question, that I decided to ask the females around me, what they thought about it. Understanding that an orgasm that lasted for 15 minutes sounds more painful than pleasurable, I explained that it was not the clutching, gasping train wreck of the standard orgasm (although some of that does happen) that went on for 15 minutes. Rather, it was like a slow trip through the countryside that ends at a favourite destination. Curiousity went up but not as much as I’d expected. Their reasons for not being interested fell into three categories and left me more dismayed than shocked.

1. Time

The reason we might be hyper-sexualized is become we don’t have the time to be anything else. ”Get in, get off, get out” seems to be the order of the day. Everyone has places to go and things to do. None of those things includes bringing imagination, adventure, care and concern to the bedroom.

A good, quick fuck might now be the standard, and the slow sensual wind-up is now taboo. I know that most people in my age-group are battling with children, aging parents, illnesses of their own, but if you don’t take time to be with each other, how will you have time to save your relationship?

2. Man Problems

Every woman has a man problem. If she doesn’t have a man, that’s a problem but if she has a man, HE’S a problem. Achieving the 15 minute orgasm requires technique and patience. The man who is trying to sex 3 – 5 women in one day, is not going to consider learning anything that requires that much effort. Mix in a dose of misogyny from the player mindset and the sensitivity of a Cro-Magnon and the woman knows better than to ask for anything so intimate.

Men, after all, will be men.

3. Trust Issues

The woman lays on her back, naked from the waist down while the man sits at her side with both hands on her vajayjay, with his clothes on. Wait! Hold up! What? I can hear the cries now from readers, just as the women I spoke to had similar reactions.

It would appear from their comments that while the image of two naked people going at it seems comfortable, the idea of a man investing that much in their pleasure without trying to get himself off is too great a stretch of the imagination. Better for a woman to stick to the regular sex routine and end up frustrated than to ask for him to hold his horses for a whole 15 minutes and be thought insane.

To summarize this point, some women don’t trust their man to give a damn about how they (the woman) feels.

4. Body Image Issues

Men. who’ve read this far, would you like to freak a woman out? The next time you’re out with that special someone, and thinks are warming up nicely, lean in like you are going for a kiss, then palm her belly and squeeze gently. Even if she’s a Victoria Secret’s model she’ll self-consciously withdraw and think that she needs to diet.

Women, if you want to freak a man out, lean in like you are going to kiss, then put his hand on your belly and ask for his honest opinion. Watch him stutter.

Thanks to Viagra for men and hormone replacement therapy for women, we can all get our freak on like 20 year olds no matter our age. Thanks to the cult of Youth and Beauty, we all believe that we should look like twenty-year olds no matter our age. Talk about your, sad and unrealistic expectations. Women, more than men internalize these expectations, and the result is fear of being naked in front of her man.

My Take

This blog is about becoming better during the middle passage of your life, in every way possible. If there was ever a time for getting better at expressing your sexuality, this is it. So,

Men: I’m thinking about adding this bon mot to my Forty by 40 list: ”There are few things in this life more pitiful than a man who can’t make love, refuses to eat p*ssy and won’t take instruction.” It still needs work and I intend to make it a little ~~nicer~~, ~~cruder~~, more concise, but you get the picture.

Now that the sexual urgency of youth is dissapating, intimacy can flower to its fullest. Adding a sexual skill that shows your woman, how much you care for and accept her can only improve the relationship.

As this post shows, intimacy or the lack thereof is a source of concern for many women.

Women: While sexual relationships can be for anyone over the age of consent, sensual, caring relationships are for adults. By the time grey hair shows up, you need to realize several thinks.

Time – quickies are fine but if your man thinks they are the norm, it’s time for him to hit the road.
Trust – if he doesn’t care about your short-term pleasure, how can he care about your long-term happiness?
Body Image – I’ll tell you a secret. By the time a man is comfortable enough to ask you for a date, he has already imagined what you look like naked. If you’ve been together awhile and he has some complaints remind him that he’s no George Clooney either.

& Self-Improvement

One of the hardest things we can ever do is to accept ourselves as we are, faults and all. After that is done we can move onto real personal development. The greatest resistance to the 15 minute female orgasm comes (no pun intended) not from the difficulty of the techniques, but from the mental barriers we erect to our own sexual health.

What do you think. Do you have some barriers getting in the way of your sexual fulfillment, if so where do they come from, society, parents, friends? Let me hear from you in the comments section.

Filed Under: Health, Uncategorized, Women

October 1, 2012 by admin 6 Comments

3 Benefits of Being a Risk-Taker

What was going through the mind of the first man to eat a raw oyster?

How did someone figure out that the sap from poppies could be used to make opium?

Which fool created synthetic derivatives?

What do these things have in common? They all involve some element of risk and exploration.

Sidenote: At the end of this post you’ll find a link to my new favourite video.

Despite what you may read here, this blog is not dedicated to taking death-defying risks like swimming with sharks and skydiving. Truthfully, if I was given a choice between hitting the “Publish” button for this post, or getting in the water with sharks, the choice is clear.

Bring on the sharks.

Especially if there is no blood in the water or splashing at the surface. And that goes not only for this post but every other post.

Why?

Glad you asked. The sharks represent an immediate but temporary threat to my body, but each post represents, a long-term threat to my ego. I always have the same worries telling me to quit this blog:

A) Am I making sense?

B) Am I making a difference?

C) Is anybody reading this? (At last count 1,000 per month)

Is Your Ego Doing The Same To You? How to Stop It.

In some sphere of your life, the answer is always, yes. With good reason, there are some risks that should be too great to take. For instance, that first hit of an illegal drug, that illicit affair, that ill-advised ‘one for the road’, are all risks that a correct mental state will protect you from.

On the other hand, remember the last pretty woman you were afraid to talk to? Remember all of the questions that kept popping into your head? “Suppose I walk over and she’s mean?” “Suppose her boyfriend shows up and kicks in my teeth?”

The question you never asked yourself was, “I wonder if she spent last Saturday night at home watching PBS and eating ice cream?” Now suppose the answer was, ‘YES‘. How would such a different mindset have changed your behaviour?

“All change in history, all advance, comes from nonconformity. If there had been no troublemakers, no dissenters, we should still be living in caves.”

A.J.P Taylor, Historian

Your ego sometimes goes overboard in self-protection. Anytime you’ve felt the weight of conformity, even when the thing that you are conforming to is very stupid, that’s ego. Going against the grain of society is never easy but there are times when it needs to be done not only for you but for the benefit of those around you. If you doubt this, bear in mind, 50% of Americans are overweight, should you conform?

61% of Americans don’t use, or have problems sticking to, a budget, should you join this group?

So, if trying to be the financially solvent, fit guy in your group makes you different, and you intend pursue your goals and stay in the group, then you are a risk-taker. Some groups will eventually kick you out. So what? Given the benefits, its all for the best.

How to get started taking risks? Start small, go out by yourself even if its to an art gallery, make a budget and stick to it, say hello to the next attractive person you meet without feeling pressured to try for a response or a conversation. Find a physical activity that you enjoy and go and do it no matter what your peers say. (Remember to make yourself physically fit first and follow your doctor’s instructions before you start)

Benefits of Taking Risks

1. Confidence – Every time you do something risky, like start a new job or take up a new hobby, and succeed at it, your confidence will grow. If you really stretch the boundaries and try some death-defying activity, your confidence grows exponentially. After falling from 12,000 feet just how scared of that pretty woman can you be?

2. Social Rewards – Getting introduced as the entrepreneur, the artist, the diver, sure beats being introduced as ‘the up and coming middle manager’ in any social setting. People who take risks are applauded by society, probably because the risk-taker is experimenting upon himself, but the entire society will ultimately benefit. Think of, the first man to eat a raw oyster. Even if the risk is minor, like trying new restaurants, and finding new clubs, you’ll benefit because you become the “Go To Guy” of your group. Translation: You become “Sexy“.

3. Growth – Each time you take a risk (the legal kind. Driving the getaway car doesn’t count) you’ll grow internally. You’ll learn a little more about yourself. You’ll have a better understanding of what you like (I’ve got to do this again!) and what you don’t like (I’ll never do this again). No matter your age, or where you live, you’ll be better for it.

Remember, comfort is a cage, it’s riskier to stay in than get out.

When it comes to taking risks, start small and build on your successes. See you at 12, 000 feet, and leave a comment before you go.

Make sure you receive more posts on living a healthy, more engaged life. Subscribe to this blog.

As promised, here is the link to my current favourite video on Youtube.

Filed Under: Health, Money, Uncategorized

September 17, 2012 by admin 3 Comments

4 Life Lessons That I’ve Learnt From Older Men

Note from Jeremy: This is a guest post from Brad Alexander. Brad writes about personal development for young men. He helps people with the murky transition between boyhood and manhood in the modern day. Brad covers issues such as insecurity, relationships, fitness and masculinity. Read more of his thoughts on BadassYoungMen.com

” The rarest find is a person that is successful in business AND their personal life at the same time over the long haul. It usually takes sacrifice in one to achieve success in the other. ” - Shane Cultra

No middle aged man will say that on reflection he thought it was a good idea that he neglected his family life as he chased wealth and business success. Yet many ambitious young men will pursue their careers and neglect their families regardless of the good advice they get.

When I went travelling through India I would read the Lonely Planet guide. I didn’t always follow what it said but I would give it a cursory glance nonetheless. I was tempted to take a Marco Polo approach and be a pioneer, pretending I was the first traveller to ever explore the country. But it would have been foolish not to take advantage of the advice provided by those who had experience.

Photo courtesy of ammgramm

We accept the fact that we need to be taught how to read, write, count, drive, write a CV, and tie a tie, but when it comes to learning about life, relationships, happiness and other intangibles young men are too quick to ignore good advice. It takes a certain wisdom to be able to learn from other people’s wisdom. Generation after generation of westerners do not realize this until they reach middle age.

Philosopher Daniel Quinn gives what I believe to be the best argument as to why this is. In tribal cultures, he says, the elders are respected because they pass on a way of life that works well for people and that has survived for hundreds of thousands of years. On the other hand each generation of modern children grow up subconsciously knowing that they are inheriting a way of life that doesn’t work well for people, and they resent their parents for passing this ‘faulty’ way of life on to them. In his book “Ishmael” Mr.Quinn creates this dialogue between two characters, Alan, the student and Ishmael, the teacher.

Alan: “Yes. And what we teach our children is how to make things. How to make more things and better things.”

Ishmael: “Why don’t you teach them what works well for people?”

Alan: “I’d say it’s because we don’t know what works well for people. Every generation has to come up with its own version of what works well for people. My parents had their version, which was pretty well useless, and their parents had their version, which was pretty well useless, and we’re currently working on our version, which will probably seem pretty well useless to our own children.”

-”Ishmael” by Daniel Quinn

Whether this is true or not, this dialogue highlights the need for timeless wisdom that should be adhered to if we are to lead happy fulfilling lives. As a young man, I know that I still have much to experience and understand, but here are 4 things I’ve learnt from my elders.

Extend Yourself But Know Your Limitations

“A man has got to know his limitations.” – Clint Eastwood as Detective Harry Callahan in Magnum Force

There are so many opportunities that the world provides but they must be reached for, they will not fall into your lap . It’s easy to listen to people telling you that the world is your oyster when you graduate college but harder to believe it five years later when you are suffocated by the cubicle.

Extend yourself and set some audacious goals. Then go and achieve them.

Don’t try and do everything all at once. Even if you commit to mastering just one skill at a time or committing to one passion at a time for a period of five years each there are many things you will be able to achieve in a lifetime. Better this approach than having so many goals but achieving none of them because you pull yourself in several different directions. In short, I recommend learning your limitations so that you can surpass them.

Focusing On The Human Wealth Is What Really Matters

We all know that he who dies with the most toys does not win. But that doesn’t mean you should not aim to make a comfortable living and lead a comfortable lifestyle.

Also know that the real wealth of this world is found in love, friendship, liberty and passion. Millions of people around the world live in squalid conditions but they still call themselves happy because they have ‘real’ wealth.

. Don’t let the quest for material wealth hinder your ability to enjoy human wealth.

Don’t Wait For Anything, Just Do It

Some of the best advice I have ever had is not to wait for money because you will be waiting forever and will never have enough money. It is easy to put off having the things we want when you make the excuse that you do not have enough money. Whether that be travel, getting married, having children, or any other life goal.

Personal development blogger Steve Pavlina says that if you want something make that a direct goal. Don’t say to yourself “I want X amount of money so I can do Y.” Just set the goal and you will find a way of making it happen.

There is a famous story about a man who approached a money making guru and asked him how to make a million dollars. The guru asked him why he wanted a million dollars, to which the man replied, “So I can go fishing.”

The guru simply said, “You don’t need a million dollars to go fishing.”

Consequently the man spent a lot more time fishing and never made a million dollars but he did make himself happy. The lesson I get from this is Don’t postpone living the life you want, live it now.

Take Care Of Your Health

As a young man I know it’s easy to work flat out, party hard, drink, smoke and eat anything without feeling serious ill effects. But poor health habits will catch up in time. I’ve tried to set the foundation of regular exercise and a healthy diet while I’m young and want to carry the habit with me into middle age and beyond. Big pharmaceutical companies make millions of dollars for the ‘cures’ to diseases that could have cheaper to prevent with diet and exercise.

Any young man hoping to live a long, fruitful life would do well to discover his own truths and pearls of wisdom. He need not begin by searching the internet, he can begin by talking to an older man who is willing to teach.

The original database: photo courtesy of kamshots

Filed Under: Career, Health, Money, Uncategorized

August 20, 2012 by admin 1 Comment

The Midlife Man’s Guide To Dealing With Siblings

Siblings, they can be your best friends or unavoidable enemies.

Print and electronic news media love to cover stories of sibling rivalry run amok. Stories like this, where the urge to kill overtakes the need for a hug. If you have brothers or sisters you know that the two emotions can run concurrently.

During my 40+ years on this planet, I’ve seen too many instances of families torn apart. Sisters refusing to speak to each other, brothers at war over property, and sadly, the all consuming passion: “What’s in Dad’s Will for me?” or its corollary, “You shouldn’t have Mom’s _______!” Fighting like cats and dogs when you’re a child is, for want of a better word, Childish. Fighting like cats and dogs when everyone involved has gray hair is pathetic.

Brothers are so annoying! by Amy

Shut up sis! by .sanden

Here are the two principles to dealing with siblings: Acceptance and Resistance

First, some backstory (if you’re not interested in my personal life just scroll down to Resistance.

My brother was six years older than I, my sister is 10 years older and my cousins are old enough to be parents. To be the baby in a family of three is not so bad, but imagine being the “The Baby” of 30 people not counting aunts and uncles. It’s enough to push a man over the edge. Even now, with gray hair and achy joints, I have a long line of people trying to tell me what to do. Chief among them my older sister. Side note: If your sibling is 10 years older, is there any way you can NOT feel insulted when someone asks if you’re twins?

After the death of our mother, she became my sole guardian. Our daddy was alive but never seemed to have reached adulthood. My sister helped me to finish high school, paid for me to go to university and when I got sick or needed an operation she handled the details. I’ve witnessed my sister verbally drop-kick two doctors right out of their God Complex and into rational behaviour.

The biggest problem with a sister who is more like a parent than a sibling is getting her to stop. This is where Acceptance and Resistance come in.

Little Brother, Big Sister by Teseum

Big brother, little sister by demandj

Resistance

Welcome back those of you who skipped the backstory.

Youngest children need to:

Resist the urge to be babied. Self-Reliance is the greatest weapon in your fight for independence.

Rebellion against the “establishment” of your family gets hackneyed quick if after every rebellious act you have to ask an older sibling for a handout. Your urge to be financially independent should be so powerful, that if there was a choice between sleeping in a cardboard box under a freeway and handouts from relatives, you’d choose the box.

Older children need to:

Question the belief that they are always right. Yes, you have more life experience but do yourself a favour and shut up about it. Some things your younger siblings need to learn for themselves. In other cases, older siblings just don’t “get it.” They can’t because they belong to a different generation altogether. In my case, my sister is a Baby Boomer and I’m Generation X. We experience the world from different cohorts, which is why our viewpoints vary.

Resist the brainwashing of your parents. You don’t always have to offer the helping hand. In some cases it will only make your younger siblings, needy and irresponsible. The word “NO” is just as powerful to a 40 year old as it is to a four year old. Practice saying it. In the short term, it will cause resentment but if the reason is logical it can be forgiven.

Acceptance

Birth Order is what it is. Personality traits begin to develop in children before they can walk or speak. It’s okay to rebel against your status in the family but don’t expect everyone to play along. Accept the personality flaws of your siblings, the same way you do with your friends.

Understand that given the opportunity everyone will revert to their default state of, victim, victor, big bro, lil sis. In the interest of long-term harmony refuse to accept the default setting of your family.

As For Me

My sister and I now live miles apart. After years of training, I’ve become more self-reliant and she has gotten more tolerant of my happy-go-lucky attitude. Our extended family no longer assumes that I’ll be irresponsible and she’ll speak for both of us on family matters. We are friendlier now than we were as children.

The process didn’t happen overnight. It won’t happen overnight in your case either, but the outcome is worth the effort, because at the end of it all, you’re family.

Brother and Sister in Black and White by CameliaTWU

That’s it dear reader. Let me know what techniques you use to deal with your siblings in the comment section.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

August 17, 2012 by admin Leave a Comment

My Side Hustle Case Study: Part 2

Instead of writing an in-depth analytical breakdown, of the Chronology in Part 1, I’m going to simplify everything into a list of DO’s and DON’Ts. Consider these general guidelines that will need to be adapted for your particular business venture.

DO

Do – know your territory. Because of where I live almost any craft item can be sold. If you live in a major tourist destination and have the least bit of creativity, consider doing some type of craft work.

Do- use the internet to help you find ideas that can be used in your area. If no one is doing what you plan to do or doing something similar, consider that a bad sign.

To read the rest of this post, CLICK HERE.

Filed Under: Money, Uncategorized

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