270 Words on Why You Aren’t Achieving Your New Year’s Resolutions . . . . And How To Get Back On Track

8 weeks after New Year’s Day and you’ve already forgotten your resolutions or are bummed out about the fact that you aren’t even

trying to fulfill them.  Here’s why its happening along with some resources to get you back on track:

1.  You didn’t write them down or you wrote them down but didn’t keep them someplace that they could be seen.

Out of sight is out of mind.

 

2.   You planned to rely on Motivation and Willpower – Big Mistake!

Both motivation and willpower should be thought of as muscles.  Muscles get stronger the more you use them BUT they can also be strained from overuse.  If it’s a constant mental struggle to achieve your goals, you will get tired and give up.

 

3.  Your goals were not  S.M.A.R.T  enough

Specific or Significant
Measurable or Manageable
Attainable or Ajustable
Realistic or Relevant
Time-specific or Trackable

4. You didn’t separate one time goals from goals that required a new habit, so they’re mixing together and driving you crazy.

Example: Automate finances   (One time)
Lose 20 pounds through exercise   (requires new habit)

5. You tried to do too much too soon.

One is the magic number.  One major goal and one teeny tiny new habit is all you need.

6. You got busy/distracted/bored.

Since the goals were not S.M.A.R.T you never had any real plan or it was too complex, making it easy to get busy/distracted/bored.

7. You were drunk when you made them.

Pretty much self explanatory

Watch this Youtube video on how to be properly self-motivated.

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5 Ways To Impress A Woman on Valentine’s Day. . . . . . . Even if You’re Broke and Clueless

Contrary to popular belief the Midlife Man wasn’t always the tall, dark Denzel Washington look-alike that he is now.

In the far distant past  he was a skinny, broke, boy.  But at least he was a CREATIVE skinny broke boy.  I’ve written in the past about

the importance of Creativity when dating.  So, if you are young, broke and in love or are middle-aged and clueless, read on.

The following ideas are in three parts.

Materials List (what you need) since building romance should be easier than building a doghouse, which is where you’ll be if don’t do something for Valentine’s.

What To Do: Self-explanatory

Points: Because, well, men put more effort into anything if they think it’s some type of competition.

 

1. Cuddle Coupon

Materials: Listening Skills, A colour printer, computer

What To Do: “What do women want?” asked Sigmund Freud.  A better question to ask is what does YOUR woman want?  Does she want to be listened to with undivided attention? Massaged? Dominated, a La 50 Shades of Grey?  Make up a coupon (or you can use this one, that needs improvement) which entitles the bearer to her favourite things.

+20 points:  Present it to her in an official looking envelope.

+200 points: Have her best friend deliver it.

-500 points: You put the wrong name on the coupon.

 

2. Clean House and Quiet Night

Materials :  Pledge, Scrubbing Bubbles, Fantastik, etc, Youtube playlist.

What To Do:  Clean the house!

If you are uncertain about how to clean your joint, Google it or ask Mom.  Men are always shocked to find out that women won’t get into or out of sexy lingerie because the kitchen is dirty.  Accept it as fact and move on.  Clean the house and if you have kids, banish them to their rooms with threats of death, dismemberment or worse (taking away their cell phones), make a Youtube playlist of songs you both like .  If you like R&B, you can use mine.

Have food ready (even if its pizza), the kids invisible and the playlist on.

+ 20 points: Stream the videos through your big screen T.V and stereo.

+100 points: Take the day off and get it all done. Act like it’s not a big deal.

-1000 points: You skip cleaning the tub and toilet.

 

3. I Have a Big Heart For You

Materials: Stick, wide open space covered in sand or snow, can of non-toxic spray paint preferably in red or hot pink.

What To Do: Use the stick to mark out a heart or inter-locking hearts in the sand or snow.  Spray the inside of the heart.  Remember, full

coverage of the area marked out is more important that saturation of colour.  Write your name  “+”  hers and 4 Ever (if you mean it). Do your French artiste impression (if you are not already a French artiste) as you work.  Smile while she rolls her eyes and giggles.

+15 points:  If you complete it in under 20 minutes

+50 points:  If you take her for a romantic stroll and ‘accidentally’ come across your previously made artwork.

+200 points: If you make it out of rocks.

-500 points: You spell her name wrong.

 

4. Posterize It

Materials: Computer, Color Printer, clear Scotch tape.

What To Do:  ”I Love _____________________________” in the largest font size available on your computer.  Even better if one letter in each word takes up a page.  Use the tape to stick this home made poster up directly opposite the front door so she can’t miss it when she walks in. Bonus if you do the same in the kitchen and bedroom.

+30 points: Hug her from behind while she takes it in.

+ 300 points: She Instagrams it.

-3000 points: She asks what it is you love about her and you look blank.

 

5. I Don’t Do Valentine’s, . . . . .  (Parts 1 & 2)

Part 1

Materials: Big Cojones

What To Do: Say, “I don’t DO Valentine’s.”  This works best if it’s your first Valentine’s Day together and you give her warning in advance.  Everyone knows Valentine’s Day has become overblown to the point of superficiality.  Refusing to participate in  the madness shows your rugged manliness.  If  you have an emotionally high-maintenance woman, expect retaliation.

Part 2

Materials:  flowers

Send a bouquet of pink roses to her job.  The card should read, “Just because. . . . . .”  .

Do this at least 3 weeks AFTER Valentine’s Day, any earlier and it looks like you had second thoughts and caved or are just a damn cheapskate.  However, do it within 3 months.  Being a man and all, you’re sure to screw-up to a level that requires flowers any way and you don’t want the two sentiments to get mixed.

+200 points: Her best friend at work complains how un-romantic her boyfriend/husband is.

+2000 points: Every woman in her department turns catty and green with envy AND ISN’T THAT WHAT VALENTINE’S  IS REALLY ALL ABOUT?

So, there you have it.  If you are a male, get started mixing and matching points one through five.

If you are a female, send this post to a male who needs it.

Tell me your thoughts on the best low-cost Valentine’s Day gift you ever received.

 

 

3 Habits For Happiness

It is an old proverb that states, “Money Can’t Buy Happiness”.  Scientific study verifies the truth of the proverb.  We all have an

Happiness

Happiness by thejbird

emotional set point for happiness and more more money does not significantly raise it.

Lets face it, if Bill Gates was 50 billion times happier than the average American, his head would explode!

The real problem is that few people maximize their ability be happy.  In other words, most of us are emotional underachievers.  If  more money and things, won’t make you happy what will?

Should you be on the way to being a grumpy old man, here are three habits that you can practice daily, that will improve both your health and your level of happiness:

 

1. Express Gratitude

Giving thanks for all that you have instead of complaining about what you don’t have.  Gratitude has been found to be one of the most important factors in long-term happiness.  

If you’ve ever wondered why Warren Buffet is always smiling, it’s not  the amount of money he has (though it doesn’t hurt) it’s because in interview after interview he states how thankful he is  to have been born in the United States during this period in history.

Can’t think of anything to be grateful about?  Go to Global Rich List and follow the instructions.

 

2. Practice Positivity

 Optimists enjoy living, and so they tend to live longer.  In one study pessimists who continually complained about their lives, shortened it by several years.  Just as important as how long you live, is HOW you live.  Positive people have more friends (Who wants to hang out with a grouch?) and are healthier and more socially active.

 

3.  Exercise

The term ‘Runner’s High‘ is well-known and well documented.  Endorphins released by the brain during vigorous activity causes a sense of well-being.  Runners are not the only people who can experience this ‘high’.  Science is beginning to show that any  regular physical activity such as walking, biking, dancing, swimming, gardening or strength training (reaching for remote does not count) can improve your mood.  Make sure to pick an activity that you ENJOY and get started.

The effects of these habits are life-changing over the long-term but you can reap the rewards of a better mood as soon as you get started.

Contrary to popular belief the midlife man does not have to become a grumpy old man if he can grow these habits for happiness.

 

What are your thoughts?  How do you keep yourself happy?

 

 

 

 

Happy New Year To My Readers

Happy New Year To Each Of You:

     I am fully aware that I could not have made it this far without the support of my friends,  family and readers like you.  Thank you so

fireworks

Boom!  by fabiogis50

much for your love in 2012.

       I started this blog in April 2012 and did not publish the first post until May.   “Dear Citibank or Lessons in Customer Service” was originally a sample for a freelance writing client, who rejected it.  Since then it has been made into a feature article on a much larger midlife blog.
 To date, over 6,000 people have visited Writings of A Mid Life Man, which is not bad considering that in 2009 I did not know what a blog was!
With  a few exceptions,  the posts deal with self-improvement and becoming a better man.  While I’m still working on ‘finding my voice’ and improving my writing  in 2013, regular readers can expect even more articles on improving health, relationships and financial status. There’ll be articles on: How I paid off my mortage early; how I make money on the internet; and, tips on living a good life.
    It is my hope that in 2013, my readers will take the  actions that lead to LIVING THE LIFE THEY DESIRE.   Small, habitual action beats grand planning every time.

*WALKS BEHIND PODIUM TO START LECTURE*

  Two Things:  It is not that our life is so short, it is that we waste so much of it.
                              You can make a change or you can make an excuse
                               but you can’t be successful at both.

*WALKS AWAY FROM PODIUM*

Truth, Strength, Courage, Honour, Success and Blessings be yours in 2013.

10 Tips To Dating Out Of Your League

There is no shortage of books, blog posts and magazine articles on dating out of your league, and most of the ‘information’  is crap.

Here is what you really need to know.

 

The Old Ball Game

            The Old Ball Game by riekhavoc

You can’t get out of your league

without improving your game.

 

Ms. Understanding’s post  ” 10 Things She Wants You To Know ”  pretty much shows that the well-educated, well-spoken woman expects more from a man.  Herewith is a list of 10  Self -improvement ideas, (in order of importance) that will move you to the next level in dating and life.

10. Don’t put women on pedestals

Points 2 & 3 of this post on The Man-Up blog are of great importance to the whole dating scene.

9.   Money is not important

If you are trying to date someone who is better off financially, don’t expect her to be impressed by what’s in your wallet. If she’s extremely attractive there is no shortage of men trying to buy her affection.

8.   Originality

Ideas, actions, beliefs that are new, amusing and different are attractive to both males and females.  Artists always attract groupies because of the way they (the artist) see and shape the world.  You need not be Andy Warhol but a dash of originality works wonders.

7.   Self-Confidence

The opposite of confident is needy.  Needy people are to be avoided because they suck the life right out of you.  Don’t be needy.  Want to know how to improve your confidence?  Go here and here.

6.   Relationships

Have as many real relationships (not Facebook friends) as possible.  Men who have strong social networks and supportive friends are more attractive to women than men who don’t.  The better your social circle the better the women you can date.

5.   Health

Get some and keep it.  The amount of programs that promise to get you in the best shape of your life are too numerous to mention.  Find one that you like and use it.  This is my routine.   Realistically, you can’t expect to chase down the choicest, most tender gazelle if you are a fat, sick lion.

4.   Appearance

If you are a twenty-old, try to dress like a well-dressed 20-year-old.  If you are a 40+ and dress like 20-year-old, GET A LIFE.  Moving up in the game means dressing like the company you intend to keep.  Real Men Real Style teaches mature men how to dress appropriately.  See how HERE.

3.   Industry

Definition:  Energetic devotion to a task or an endeavor; diligence. (From the freedictionary.com) Also known in today’s parlance as ‘hustle’.  There is something about a man stating that he runs his own business or has a profitable hobby that puts that spark of interest in a woman’s eye.

2.   Self-Direction

Where is your life going?  Why is it going that way?  What are you doing to improve yourself? Drift is definitely un-sexy.  Many people are simply being carried along in life’s currents, the man who can show self-direction will standout and have adherents wishing to get his focus and energy.

1.     Faith

Believe in something greater than yourself and behave accordingly.  Ms. Understanding puts it like this, “The man who does not believe in God, becomes a god unto himself”  Believing that you are the most important human on the planet generally ends badly.

Conclusion:

Despite the attempts of the mind-benders of Madison Avenue to teach you that cars, clothes, watches, etc really matter, they don’t.  I think, developing the traits, of charm, self-confidence, poise, humour are what makes a man more attractive to women.  There are no tips and techniques that can replace the timeless fundamentals of self-development.

Considering that the alternative is to be a out-of-shape, boring, needy, suck-up, isn’t NOW the perfect time to get started on being a better man?

 

The 15 Minute Female Orgasm & The Path To Self-Improvement

I’m supposed to be writing a response to Ms. Understanding’s post, “10 Things She Wants You To Know”  but this is not it.  Instead, here are some things I’d like my female mid-lifers to think about as it relates to the titled topic.

 

 

 

The 15 Minute Female Orgasm

 Spoiler alert:  This post does not cover HOW to achieve a 15 minute female orgasm.  If you are looking for that  go here.  For an introduction  to the teachers of the technique, watch this video on Youtube.

 

 

You’d think that in the hyper-sexualized world we live in; where parents

It’s a secret! by alee _ 04

send children to pole dancing lessons;  where porn star Sasha Grey is a feature story in Rollingstone Magazine; where 50 Shades of Grey  parties are planned to perfection by P.T.A moms; that the 15 minute female orgasm would be as openly discussed as birth control.  You’d be wrong.

If you’ve never heard of the technique, you are not alone.  The technique gained some   attention when it was covered in Tim Ferris’ book, “The 4-Hour Body”.   The book is a New York Times BestSeller,  and certain sections have cult-like followers who create websites entirely dedicated to just one topic.

The 15 minute orgasm should be widely touted, have its own acolytes and high priestesses, web pages, best practices, and a two-hour special on HBO. But, it doesn’t.

The Sisterhood of The Travelling Pants, 9/11 conspiracists, climate change deniers and Obama haters have all of the above.

So Why Not This Sex Technique?

This is such a good question, that I decided to ask the females around me, what they thought about it.  Understanding that an orgasm that lasted for 15 minutes sounds more painful than pleasurable, I  explained that it was not the clutching, gasping  train wreck of the standard orgasm (although some of that does happen) that went on for 15 minutes. Rather, it was like  a slow trip through the countryside that ends at a favourite destination.  Curiousity went up but not as much as I’d expected.  Their reasons for not being interested fell into three categories and left me more dismayed than shocked.

 

1. Time

The reason we might be hyper-sexualized is become we don’t have the time to be anything else.  ”Get in, get off, get out” seems to be the order of the day.   Everyone has places to go and things to do.  None of those things includes bringing imagination, adventure, care and concern to the bedroom.

A good, quick fuck might now be the standard, and the slow sensual wind-up is now taboo.  I know that most people in my age-group are battling with children,  aging parents, illnesses of their own, but if you don’t take time to be with each other, how will you have time to save your relationship?

2. Man Problems

Every woman has a man problem.  If she doesn’t have a man, that’s a problem but if she has a man, HE’S a problem.  Achieving the 15 minute orgasm requires technique and patience.  The man who is trying to sex 3 – 5 women in one day, is not going to consider learning anything that requires that much effort.  Mix in a dose of misogyny from the player mindset and the sensitivity of a Cro-Magnon and the  woman knows better than to ask for anything so intimate.

Men, after all, will be men.

3.   Trust Issues

The woman lays on her back, naked from the waist down while the man sits at her side with both hands on her vajayjay, with his clothes on. Wait! Hold up! What? I can hear the cries now from readers, just as the women I spoke to had similar reactions.

It would appear from their comments that while the image of two naked people going at it seems comfortable, the idea of a man investing that much in their pleasure without trying to get himself off is too great a stretch of the imagination.  Better for a woman to stick to the regular sex routine and end up frustrated than to ask for him to hold his horses for a whole 15 minutes and be thought insane.

To summarize this point, some women don’t trust their man to give a damn about how they (the woman) feels.

4. Body Image Issues

Men. who’ve read this far, would you like to freak a woman out?  The next time you’re out with that special someone, and thinks are warming up nicely, lean in like you are going for a kiss, then palm her belly and squeeze gently.  Even if she’s a Victoria Secret’s model she’ll self-consciously withdraw and think that she needs to diet.

Women, if you want to freak a man out, lean in like you are going to kiss, then put his hand on your belly and ask for his honest opinion.  Watch him stutter.

Thanks to Viagra for men and hormone replacement therapy for women, we can all get our freak on like 20 year olds no matter our age.  Thanks to the cult of Youth and Beauty, we all believe that we should look like twenty-year olds no matter our age.  Talk about your, sad and unrealistic expectations.  Women, more than men internalize these expectations, and the result is fear of being naked in front of her man.

 

My Take

This blog is about becoming better during the middle passage of your life,  in every way possible.  If there was ever a time for getting better at expressing your sexuality, this is it. So,

Men: I’m thinking about adding this bon mot to my Forty by 40 list:  ”There are few things in this life more pitiful than a man who can’t make love, refuses to eat p*ssy and won’t take instruction.”  It still needs work and I intend to make it a little nicer,  cruder, more concise, but you get the picture.

Now that the sexual urgency of youth is dissapating, intimacy can flower to its fullest.  Adding a sexual skill that shows your woman, how much you care for and accept her can only improve the relationship.

As this post shows, intimacy or the lack thereof is a source of concern for many women.

 

Women: While sexual relationships can be for anyone over the age of consent, sensual, caring relationships are for adults. By the time grey hair shows up, you need to realize several thinks.

  • Time – quickies are fine but if your man  thinks they are the norm,  it’s time for him to hit the road.
  • Trust – if he doesn’t care about your short-term pleasure, how can he care about your long-term happiness?
  • Body Image – I’ll tell you a secret.  By  the time a man is comfortable enough to ask you for a date, he has already imagined what you look like naked. If you’ve been together awhile and he has some complaints remind him that he’s no George Clooney either.

& Self-Improvement

One of the hardest things we can ever do is to accept ourselves as we are, faults and all.  After that is done we can move onto real personal development. The greatest resistance to the 15 minute female orgasm comes (no pun intended) not from the difficulty of the techniques, but from the mental barriers we erect to our own sexual health.

 

What do you think.  Do you have some barriers getting in the way of your sexual fulfillment, if so where do they come from, society, parents, friends? Let me hear from you in the comments section.

 

 

 

 

 

3 Benefits of Being a Risk-Taker

What was going through the mind of the first man to eat a raw oyster?

How did someone figure out that the sap from poppies could be used to make opium?

Which fool created synthetic derivatives?

What do these things have in common?  They all involve some element of risk and exploration.

Sidenote: At the end of this post you’ll find a link to my new favourite video.

Despite what you may read here, this blog is not dedicated to taking death-defying risks like swimming with sharks and skydiving.  Truthfully, if I was given a choice between hitting the “Publish” button for this post, or getting in the water with sharks, the choice is clear.

Bring on the sharks.

Especially if there is no blood in the water or splashing at the surface.  And that goes not only for this post but every other post.

Why?

Glad you asked.  The sharks represent an immediate but temporary threat to my body, but each post represents, a long-term threat to my ego.  I always have the same worries telling me to quit this blog:

A) Am I making sense?

B)  Am I making a difference?

C)   Is anybody reading this?  (At last count 1,000 per month)

 

Is Your Ego Doing The Same To You?   How to Stop It.

In some sphere of your life, the answer is always, yes.  With good reason, there are some risks that should be too great to take.  For instance, that first hit of an illegal drug, that illicit affair, that ill-advised ‘one for the road’, are all risks that a correct mental state will protect you from.

On the other hand, remember the last pretty woman you were afraid to talk to?  Remember all of the questions that kept popping into your head? “Suppose I walk over and she’s mean?” “Suppose her boyfriend shows up and kicks in my teeth?”

The question you never asked yourself was, “I wonder if she spent last Saturday night at home watching PBS and eating ice cream?”             Now suppose the answer was, ‘YES‘. How would such a different mindset have changed your behaviour?

“All change in history, all advance, comes from nonconformity. If there had been no troublemakers, no dissenters, we should still be living in caves.”

A.J.P Taylor, Historian

 

Your ego sometimes goes overboard in self-protection.  Anytime you’ve felt the weight of conformity, even when the thing that you are conforming to is very  stupid, that’s ego.  Going against the grain of society is never easy but there are times when it needs to be done not only for you but for the benefit of those around you.  If you doubt this, bear in mind, 50% of Americans are overweight, should you conform?

61% of Americans don’t use, or have problems sticking to, a  budget, should you join this group?

So, if trying to be the financially solvent, fit guy in your group makes you different, and you intend pursue your goals and stay in the group, then you are a risk-taker. Some groups will eventually kick you out.  So what?  Given the benefits, its all for the best.

How to get started taking risks?  Start small, go out by yourself even if its to an art gallery, make a budget and stick to it,  say hello to the next attractive person you meet without feeling pressured to try for a response or a conversation.  Find a physical activity that you enjoy and go and do it no matter what your peers say. (Remember to make yourself physically fit first and follow your doctor’s instructions before you start)

 

Benefits of Taking Risks

1.  Confidence – Every time you do something risky, like start a new job or take up a new hobby, and succeed at it, your confidence will grow.  If you really stretch the boundaries and try some death-defying activity, your confidence grows exponentially.  After falling from 12,000 feet just how scared of that pretty woman can you be?

2.   Social Rewards – Getting introduced as the entrepreneur, the artist, the diver, sure beats being introduced as ‘the up and coming middle manager’ in any social setting.  People who take risks are applauded by society, probably because the risk-taker is experimenting upon himself, but the entire society will ultimately benefit.  Think of, the first man to eat a raw oyster.  Even if the risk is minor, like trying new restaurants,  and finding new clubs,   you’ll benefit because you become the “Go To Guy” of your group. Translation: You become “Sexy“.

3. Growth – Each time you take a risk (the legal kind.  Driving the getaway car doesn’t count) you’ll grow internally.  You’ll learn a little more about yourself.  You’ll have a better understanding of what you like (I’ve got to do this again!) and what you don’t like (I’ll never do this again).  No matter your age, or where you live, you’ll be better for it.

Remember, comfort is a cage, it’s riskier to stay in  than get out.

When it comes to taking risks, start small and build on your successes. See you at 12, 000 feet, and leave a comment before you go.

Make sure you receive more posts on living a healthy, more engaged life. Subscribe to this blog.

 

As promised, here is the link to my current favourite video on Youtube.